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DISCLAIMER: I wrote this a LONG LONG ago, so dont rage at me for grammar errors. Also, Slick's accent is made up, so dont go around thinking, "Why is he talking weird?" XD
This chap gives a basic intro of the gang. Its discontinued from the prologue but you get a basic idea who who is. xD
Hope you like!
Please dont use as your own,
and also, apologies for not uploading the rest of it.... i will have to go through them first, so allow me some time ^_^
I really love all of the introductions, first by name-less students talking about the issue at hand, then their names, and seeing the characters' personalities from the other characters' views. I think it is so cool how you do this, it is just so easy to read as the words flow line by line.
I actually like how you added in the grammar for Slick's jargon, it gives the story character.
I love it Izanagi, just absolute bliss reading it ^^
drawing from the same example, it's a little confusing as to which character you're physically describing, and then suddenly dropping their names in afterwards. i'm thinking the heavily-built, dark and fierce looking one is John, and the lean one with glasses is Benjamin, (Angela seems obvious, of course), and the last is Slick. but it is a little ambiguous. maybe you can introduce their names at the same time you describe them? sort of like, "The first of the boys was John Fernandes, a heavily-built, dark, fiercesome boy. Benjamin Richards, in contrast, was lean, wore frameless glasses and was widely considered the 'smart one' of the four..." so on.
i am interested to see where you take this, and i hope you don't take my feedback hard. you're not a bad writer by any stretch, this is really a cool story you have started here. i look forward to seeing more!
are you still working on the story or have you finished it?