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The Parker Murder- Chapter One by Iza-nagi The Parker Murder- Chapter One by Iza-nagi

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C O N T E N T S
Prologue


DISCLAIMER: I wrote this a LONG LONG ago, so dont rage at me for grammar errors. Also, Slick's accent is made up, so dont go around thinking, "Why is he talking weird?" XD
This chap gives a basic intro of the gang. Its discontinued from the prologue but you get a basic idea who who is. xD

Hope you like!
Please dont use as your own,

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:iconcrysanthemum963:
crysanthemum963 Featured By Owner May 29, 2013
Woah...I finally got a chance to read this. This is so awesome. I love eeeeverything about this. You described your characters very well. And I felt like I was right behind the gang as everything was going on.
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:iconiza-nagi:
Iza-nagi Featured By Owner May 29, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
im realy grateful you read this! :hug:
and also, apologies for not uploading the rest of it.... i will have to go through them first, so allow me some time ^_^
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:iconcrysanthemum963:
crysanthemum963 Featured By Owner May 30, 2013
Oh, don't worry, I can wait xP.
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:iconiza-nagi:
Iza-nagi Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:D phew!
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:iconcrysanthemum963:
crysanthemum963 Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2013
Hehe ^^
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:icontehawsumninja:
tehawsumninja Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow...that imagery and setting was completely coherent and interesting to say the least!

I really love all of the introductions, first by name-less students talking about the issue at hand, then their names, and seeing the characters' personalities from the other characters' views. I think it is so cool how you do this, it is just so easy to read as the words flow line by line.

I actually like how you added in the grammar for Slick's jargon, it gives the story character.

I love it Izanagi, just absolute bliss reading it ^^
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:iconiza-nagi:
Iza-nagi Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
thanks! you know what, after reading everybody's comments here, I actually realized I didnt read this since 4 years LOL.... My writing style right now has evolved into a more, well, film-ish format thanks to studies but I like the way I wrote this as well xDD hehe next chap is on Apr 14
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:icontehawsumninja:
tehawsumninja Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Whoa, really? That long?!!! That's amazing...

On the 14th, huh....10 days of pure agony XD
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:iconiza-nagi:
Iza-nagi Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
XD dont worry im sure it will be a lot less painful xD
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:icontehawsumninja:
tehawsumninja Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
ahahaha XD
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:iconcamilah:
camilah Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2013
This is well written:heart::clap:
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:iconiza-nagi:
Iza-nagi Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you! ah sheesh its super old but thanks for the kind words all the same!
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:iconcamilah:
camilah Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2013
Welcome:D
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:iconmomojiro:
Momojiro Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2013  Student Writer
How did you upload your document like this? I've been wondering how to submit writing without using the "enter text" option.
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:iconiza-nagi:
Iza-nagi Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
its a PDF...
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:iconmomojiro:
Momojiro Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2013  Student Writer
Oh so you saved it as a PDF and uploaded it directly like this?
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:iconiza-nagi:
Iza-nagi Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
yup. :D
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:iconmomojiro:
Momojiro Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2013  Student Writer
Thanks! :)
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:iconiza-nagi:
Iza-nagi Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
no probs! xD
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:icontailoredp1pe:
tailoredp1pe Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2013
you've got something interesting going on here. the beginning did draw me in to read, you certainly seem to have a knack for creating interest and curiosity with what will happen next. if you don't mind though, i'd like to offer you advice that was once offered to me. to new writers it is often told "show, don't tell," which means, for example, if Slick is the coolest-looking one, show how he is by writing him as such and the reader will decide if he really is or not. or, alternatively, you could say something along the lines of how he is generally considered the coolest of the four among the other classmates.

drawing from the same example, it's a little confusing as to which character you're physically describing, and then suddenly dropping their names in afterwards. i'm thinking the heavily-built, dark and fierce looking one is John, and the lean one with glasses is Benjamin, (Angela seems obvious, of course), and the last is Slick. but it is a little ambiguous. maybe you can introduce their names at the same time you describe them? sort of like, "The first of the boys was John Fernandes, a heavily-built, dark, fiercesome boy. Benjamin Richards, in contrast, was lean, wore frameless glasses and was widely considered the 'smart one' of the four..." so on.

i am interested to see where you take this, and i hope you don't take my feedback hard. you're not a bad writer by any stretch, this is really a cool story you have started here. i look forward to seeing more!
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:iconiza-nagi:
Iza-nagi Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
thanks! i'm actually done with the whole thing. and as i did mention in the descrip. this was written way back when i was still in school. and I have no plan on really sitting down and editing. (Actually i noticed a lot more errors in character further along the novel, but for the sake of old memories, i will post them that way XD) i of course get what you mean, and I will employ them in my future pieces.
Reply
:icontailoredp1pe:
tailoredp1pe Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2013
oh, i know. i was aware that you said it was written a long time ago, but i still thought if it would help at all i would give you my two cents. i know what you mean about not wanting to sit down and edit old stuff, i have stories that i wrote way back that i know i could improve upon, but i'm just not into the story like i was when i first started. and that's okay. i do look forward to seeing the rest though!
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:iconiza-nagi:
Iza-nagi Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
^_^ I hope you dont mind, but next time I am writing a novel, i will seek out your advice!
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:icontailoredp1pe:
tailoredp1pe Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2013
oh, sure thing! not sure how much help i really am, but i will be more than willing to try.
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:iconiza-nagi:
Iza-nagi Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:D
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:iconroy02:
Roy02 Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
nice :)
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:iconiza-nagi:
Iza-nagi Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
thanks a lot!
Reply
:iconghyn:
ghyn Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
-3- I was kinda sad that I reached the end, it's so interesting!
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:iconiza-nagi:
Iza-nagi Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
OMG thank you so much!! i will post the next chapter on April 14th so PLEASE do stay in touch!
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:iconghyn:
ghyn Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
^w^ can't wait

That kid in the back kinda sounds cute bit you didn't hear that from me
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:iconiza-nagi:
Iza-nagi Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
hehe every successful story needs a cute dark and shady character.....
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:iconghyn:
ghyn Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
*looks at story again just to read parts with him again XD*
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:iconiza-nagi:
Iza-nagi Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
XD
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:iconcylentsnyper:
CylentSnyper Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2013   Digital Artist
I like! :D
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:iconiza-nagi:
Iza-nagi Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
thanks a lot! im happy that you liked it!
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:iconandie-pico:
Andie-Pico Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2013  Student Artist
HOW AMAZING!
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:iconiza-nagi:
Iza-nagi Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you so much! Indeed glad you liked it!
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:iconninja-babe:
Ninja-babe Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2013  Student Writer
Awesome!! Can't wait for the next chapter
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:iconiza-nagi:
Iza-nagi Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks I will put it up on 14th xD
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:iconninja-babe:
Ninja-babe Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2013  Student Writer
Yatta!! :D
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:iconiza-nagi:
Iza-nagi Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
so sorry Dx i had to reread the chapter and found many mistakes, i will post the next chapter soon enough.... sorry for the delay!
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:iconthabulldawg:
ThaBulldawg Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2013
I WANT MORE! This is awesome! :D
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:iconiza-nagi:
Iza-nagi Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks! Next chapter on 14th Apr ^_^
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:iconthabulldawg:
ThaBulldawg Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2013
Nice! I'll be waiting :meow:
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:iconiza-nagi:
Iza-nagi Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:D
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:iconnaomigower:
NaomiGower Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Amazing!
are you still working on the story or have you finished it?
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:iconiza-nagi:
Iza-nagi Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
thanks! I'm done writing it xD i'll just post a chapter each month...
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:iconnaomigower:
NaomiGower Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Awesome! :D That gives a lot of people time to catch up! How many chapters are in it?
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:iconiza-nagi:
Iza-nagi Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
It's 660 pages long and has about 60 chapters. but I am thinking of editing and making some chapters short.
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:iconnaomigower:
NaomiGower Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
WOAH!
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